One hundred and five, the kilos thrive
in the elegance of the absence of chin,
as the caramels go and the chocolates flow,
who would ever wanna be thin?

Pastas and meat, till no longer the feet
can support the accumulation of mass.
Here! Have one more tart, don’t worry my heart,
it is tasteful the fat I amass

Hail, hail the fatties,
the smashers of patties and pastries!
Hail, hail the fatties,
Hail, hail, hail!!!

Keep pouring the sugar, who cares for the cougar,
who’s been eyeballing my boyfriend forever?
He’s so totally mine, none can ever decline
I’m so cute, sentimental and clever!

Oh! I just got the munchies, the cakes in bunches
keep coming on the table of slaughter,
philadelphia cheese and some soda please,
who in god’s name would need any water

Hail, hail the fatties,
the smashers of patties and pastries!
Hail, hail the fatties,
Hail, hail, hail!!!

I admit that it might, the dress be too tight
I swear that it shrunk in the washer!
Wait my boyfriend left, now I sit here bereft,
with the cougar he goes… What a tosser?!?!

Now, to deal with depression and relieve the tension,
crepes and waffles you’d better beware.
Everyone says I should diet, oh just keep it quiet,
on Monday I’ll start… I swear!